Reader Lisa, a fluent speaker of the ancient tongue of Biblese, has some suggestions and tweaks for Trainjotting’s Commuter’s Ten Commandments.

She writes:

Peace be unto you.  Please consider fixing a few grammatical errors in the commandments (corrections in all caps)

1. Thou shalt leave the seat next to thou unadorned with books and bags until the train starts moving, thus making it available for fellow riders. Once the train starts moving, it’s OK to put THY crap there.

2. Thou shalt not stare at THY mobile device and impede the progress of the group while walking to and from the train.

3. Thou shalt emphasis the “personal” in personal music devices by keeping THY iPod volume at a reasonable level. Thou may enjoy Insane Clown Posse. We, however, do not.

If you are looking for additions, you might consider combining 2 & 3 and adding  — Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s gloves, hats, scarves, train pass, mobile device or other worldly goods. 

As Easter approaches, we felt it was only appropriate to republish the Trainjotting “Commuter’s 10 Commandments.”

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Oddly enough, Moses was on the 5:46 to Mount Kisco last night. He left these behind…which, come to think of it, is a transgression of Commandment #4.

1. Thou shalt leave the seat next to thou unadorned with books and bags until the train starts moving, thus making it available for fellow riders. Once the train starts moving, it’s OK to put thou’s crap there.

2. Thou shalt not stare at thou’s mobile device and impede the progress of the group while walking to and from the train.

3. Thou shalt emphasis the “personal” in personal music devices by keeping thou’s iPod volume at a reasonable level. Thou may enjoy Insane Clown Posse. We, however, do not.

4. Thou shalt dispose of thou’s garbage, be it beer cans, coffee cups or newspapers. C’mon, folks, this isn’t Shea Stadium.

5. Thou shalt not engage in personal grooming activities, such as flossing and nose-hair trimming, on the train. Applying makeup is OK, I guess.

6. Thou shalt not place soaking wet umbrellas and raincoats in the overhead rack so that they drip on fellow riders’ heads.

7. Thou shalt not snore. We’ll affix a Breathe-Rite strip to thine nose if we have to. Don’t think we won’t.

8. Thou shalt use thy cellphone only for essential calls, and only then with thou’s inside voice. Thou shalt not pore through thine phone book looking for people to call to kill time. Uh, read or something. There are plenty of free papers out there.

9.  Thou shalt have thy ticket ready for the conductor. Imagine thou is the conductor. How frustrated would thou be to have to wait for someone to fish their ticket or pass from their pocket? Thou knows the guy is coming.

10. Thou shalt not let thy leg, shoulder or elbow cross the invisible line in between seats. Unless, of course, thou is particularly large, in which case thou should drive.

Any others that Moses missed?

[image: judaica-art.com]

Dear Sir Snores-a-lot, 

You’re a Caucasian male, probably in your mid to late 30’s and have some kind of half-spiked blonde hair. You board the train at Fairfield. You’re usually on the 7:08 or the 7:24 and sit towards the rear of the train.

For the past two days, I’ve had the VERY unpleasant experience of sitting in the same car as you. Why, you ask? Because you snort and snore very loudly as you drool onto your tie. On Tuesday, you were passed out leaning against a window and had everyone in the car irritated.

I was hoping that this would be a one-time thing, but I was wrong. Yesterday morning, you snagged a seat in one of the five-seaters, once again snorting, snoring and drooling.  Since the 7:24 was packed, you irritated even more people than on the previous day. 

I’m not sure if you’ve got a new baby at home that is keeping you up all night or if you’re out partying until 3 am every morning, but you make an already unpleasant experience even worse. Whatever the problem is, maybe you should try sleeping at night.  Not like anyone cares if you sleep on the train (although the guy next to you on Tuesday looked pretty pissed that your head kept bobbing and landing on his shoulder), but we could definitely do without the snorting and snoring. (Since the drooling is only a visual thing, I guess we can deal with that — although I’d prefer not to see that either.) 

Thank God I saw you walking onto the platform this morning so I had an opportunity to head in the opposite direction. It was actually a pretty nice ride in silence after listening to you for the past two days. 

Has anyone been appointed the enforcer of Commandment #7 on the New Haven line?? If not, I suppose I’ll volunteer. Where can I buy a family-sized pack of Breathe-Rite strips?  Not only will I properly affix one to the bridge of your nose, Sir Snores-a-lot, I plan on using them like butterfly bandages to close your mouth, as that seems to be the primary source of the offensive sounds.  

–CTRider 

A week to the day after we offered up the Ten Commandments For Commuters, the Vatican issued its Ten Commandments For Drivers. Sure, they’ll insist they’ve been working on their commandments for months, and didn’t get the idea from us. But we’d prefer to imagine a gaggle of cardinals, sitting around a wood table in a stark stone room, having a hearty chortle as they read the latest Word of the Week on Trainjotting. (”Heh heh! ‘Tramnesia!’ How clever!”)

While this whole thing smacks of an April Fool’s hoax that overshot its deadline by almost three months, I actually think “Guidelines For the Pastoral Care of the Road” is real. A few highlights:

* The first commandment, You Shall Not Kill, sounds a bit like #6–You Shall Not Murder–on Moses’ list. He might think about copyrighting his work.

* The list comes from the Vatican’s office of “migrants and itinerant people.” To which we wonder, how many migrants and itinerant people have cars? Should the list not be geared towards “Maplewood mooks and Levittown legal assistants”?

* Automobiles can be arenas to “occasions of sin,” be it “dangerous passing” or prostitution.

* Motorists are encouraged to “drive with a moral sense” and to “pray when behind the wheel.” Of course, making the sign of the cross could cause danger, so drivers are encouraged to conduct the sign prior to putting the car in drive.

Here’s the Vatican’s list.  

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

Oddly enough, Moses was on the 5:46 to Mount Kisco last night. He left these behind…which, come to think of it, is a transgression of Commandment #4.

1. Thou shalt leave the seat next to thou unadorned with books and bags until the train starts moving, thus making it available for fellow riders. Once the train starts moving, it’s OK to put thou’s crap there.

2. Thou shalt not stare at thou’s mobile device and impede the progress of the group while walking to and from the train.

3. Thou shalt emphasis the “personal” in personal music devices by keeping thou’s iPod volume at a reasonable level. Thou may enjoy Insane Clown Posse. We, however, do not.

4. Thou shalt dispose of thou’s garbage, be it beer cans, coffee cups or newspapers. C’mon, folks, this isn’t Shea Stadium.

5. Thou shalt not engage in personal grooming activities, such as flossing and nose-hair trimming, on the train. Applying makeup is OK, I guess.

6. Thou shalt not place soaking wet umbrellas and raincoats in the overhead rack so that they drip on fellow riders’ heads.

7. Thou shalt not snore. We’ll affix a Breathe-Rite strip to thine nose if we have to. Don’t think we won’t.

8. Thou shalt use thy cellphone only for essential calls, and only then with thou’s inside voice. Thou shalt not pore through thine phone book looking for people to call to kill time. Uh, read or something. There are plenty of free papers out there.

9.  Thou shalt have thy ticket ready for the conductor. Imagine thou is the conductor. How frustrated would thou be to have to wait for someone to fish their ticket or pass from their pocket? Thou knows the guy is coming.

10. Thou shalt not let thy leg, shoulder or elbow cross the invisible line in between seats. Unless, of course, thou is particularly large, in which case thou should drive.

Any others that Moses missed?