Penn Station


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The cover of today’s AM New York caught my eye as I breezed past the news rack at Hummerville station. “Penn Libation,” it bellowed. “After dark, a party breaks out in the station.”

My first thought was that it was one of those Improv Everywhere stunts that have seen people freeze in place in Grand Central and show up en masse at Best Buy in blue polo shirts and tan khakis, much to the confusion of shoppers.

In fact, it’s a story on the drunks heading home after a night of partying. “It’s beauty coming in and the beast coming home,” eloquently states one engineer about the harsh effects of alcohol on the young female form.

“It is all business during weekdays,” the story teases, “but on the weekends the bridge and tunnel crowd comes dressed to party and leaves partied out.”

Alas, the feature reflects what those in the media called a slow news day–despite the monolithic financial institutions crumbling around us. While reporter Garett Sloane clearly states that the true crazy stuff happens around 2 or 3 a.m. (when the Long Island Railroad turns into the “vomit comet,” according to the same eloquent engineer), it appears the reporter has made like a Mineola 20-something who has to work in the morning, and busted out of Penn Station around 1 a.m.

Too bad, he probably would’ve had some crazy stuff to write about if he’d stuck around.

I love the ads behind home plate at the Cincinnati ballpark tonight–two large panels for something called Penn Station East Coast Subs. “We Grill,” promises one panel, while the other grunts, “Grill Good.”

Yes, a restaurant named for the Gotham fine-dining haven called Penn Station, home of Hot & Crusty, McAnn’s, and the McDonald’s they put in the old LIRR men’s room. Almost makes you want to embark on a culinary tour of southwestern Ohio.

OK, that was mean.

Armpit Grip 

A woman’s head was under my armpit.

It fit, I’ll give you that.  On a crowded train you do what you have to do. I’d been caught Tuesday morning in the crush to get on the F train at Roosevelt. Man, was it crowded. I couldn’t stop at my usual door spot. I was swept forward by the wave of humanity behind me. I went with the flow, sometimes a good thing to do when tempers are flaring because trains are delayed.  

So I found myself in the center of the car, equidistant to each pole and the doors, and the rail to all four corners. What to do? I had a few seconds before the doors closed and in that time I had to make a decision that would impact significantly on the comfort of my twenty-minute subway ride. I knew I didn’t want to try to use the ceiling grip (tented fingers on the ceiling used as an upside down anchor to stop you from landing on a nearby passenger when the train either started or stopped). The ceiling grip never worked for more than a stop; it was too difficult to keep in place for multiple-stop journeys.

 

So I looked at my pole options. With all hand-grips equidistant, I needed another criteria for selection. A quick scan showed me there was space high on a center pole to my right. I’m not that tall, but I’m tall for my neighborhood so I reached over heads and took a high grip – sometimes called the armpit grip – before the train lurched forward.  

I looked at the woman under my arm, thinking that if I smiled at her at least the awkwardness of the situation might be alleviated. She was a short Asian woman, probably in her sixties, wearing black and red, with a pocketbook clutched tightly under her left arm. She stared forward with the patented cross-cultural subway passenger’s blank stare.

 

A woman next to her, I realized, was talking to her – or perhaps I should say talking at her. She was also Asian, dressed in black and red and had a similar bag under her arm. Her whole arm encircled the pole I had chosen. She spoke Chinese in a barking tone, thrusting her chin at the woman under my arm.

 

I recoiled a moment, thinking my armpit was in danger. But then I relaxed a little, as her one-sided conversation continued without fisticuffs emerging.

 

I surreptitiously glanced down at the woman beneath my arm. Her impassive face never moved while her partner spoke. No raised eyebrow. No involuntary twitch. No nod or shake of the head. No eye contact. Nothing. The woman, who I now assumed was either a relative or a good friend – at least in my mind that’s who she was – continued talking and pinching her face together as if saying, “Can you believe the things that I have to go through?” 

 

They got off at 34th Street Penn Station, and my armpit, no longer exposed, breathed a sigh of relief. At 23rd Street we were still crowded and the wave of commuters swept me out the doors.

 

I pulled myself to shore, out of the throng of humanity, and waited for the turnstiles to clear. Then, adjusting my bag on my back, I exited with some sense of dignity.  

 

Sometimes you go with the flow and sometimes you wait for your chance to swim alone.

 

–Joe Lunievicz

Proof last night that I wasn’t in Peoria:

A twentysomething, tattoed man, cradling a lacrosse stick, wearing a pair of Knicks-style silk shorts and nothing else, talking to four police officers in their thumbs-in-the-gunbelt stance outside a woman’s clothing store in Penn Station. 

As the athletic-looking youngster shook his head in a continuous “no,” one of the cops kept peppering away: “You don’t have any shoes? No clothes? Any place you can get clothes? Not even a shirt? Know anyone who could lend you some? You don’t have any money to buy some clothes? Not even shoes? You didn’t have shoes when you left your house this morning?” It wasn’t a question of if, but rather how much alcohol was involved.

But I don’t know why such a scene should even register, given the state of the cosmos yesterday. On my morning jaunt on the “E” train, I looked up at door just before it opened at the Lexington Ave. stop. “The ice cream woman is your cousin,” read a neatly printed swath of graffiti. I’m not sure what it meant, but I found myself sagely nodding and muttering, “Aha-a-a.”

And not even coffee was involved. 

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Today’s Jersey Journal says a “small but supportive crowd” turned out to support a plan to build a new tunnel under the Hudson into Manhattan.

Apparently part of the $6.3 billion plan involves “a new train station at 34th Street…between 6th and 8th Avenues.”

Which is weird, because there’s already a pretty big one there.

The article is here.