MTA board member Mitchell Pally has taken steps toward forbidding the term “Hump Day” from being uttered around MTA offices. Hump Day is often used as a synonym for Wednesday, as in, you get over the hump of the work week once you get past Wednesday.

But to some, including Pally, it suggests something sexual.

“Having employees go around the office wishing each other a happy ‘Hump Day’ is not only unprofessional but inappropriate,” Pally said in an internal memo that was circulated around MTA headquarters. “Not only that, but it opens us up to lawsuits, which ultimately would be footed, at least in part, by our riders.”

In the memo, which was leaked to Trainjotting late last night, Pally suggests staffers refer to Wednesday as “Bump Day,” should they feel the need to not simply call it Wednesday, though some might regard “Bump” as a sexually-charged euphemism as well.

Pally of course was the MTA board member who pushed to ban alcohol on Metro-North and LIRR trains late in 2006.

Thanks to Little G, we end up spending a lot of time in Sodor—that is, the mythical island on which Thomas the Tank Engine and his train friends operate. All of the trains in Thomas’ world have unique personalities, whether it’s the narcissistic engine James or the perky young train Percy.  

That got us thinking—if Manhattan was Sodor, and vice versa, where would the Metro-North cast of characters fit in in Thomas’ little technicolor world? 

New Haven Line = Henry

Henry is a long train that “tends to be somewhat highly strung and prone to illness,” according to ThomasandFriends.com. The New Haven Line is highly strung as well–as in those arms extending to the electric catenary wires strung above the tracks. The most susceptible to foul weather of the three lines, New Haven is indeed prone to illness. Just ask any veteran rider of the line. 

The Harlem Line = Peter Sam

Peter Sam is “a happy and kind engine, but is a little vulnerable and often teased by the others.” Like Peter Sam, the Harlem Line suffers from a severe case of Middle Child Syndrome–not quite the doddering doofus that the New Haven Line is, not quite the beacon of efficiency that the Hudson Line is. 

MTA Board Member Mitchell Pally = Lady Hatt

Lady Hatt is Sir Topham Hatt’s wife and “a kind and gentile woman…who will also scold the engines when they act up or behave improperly.” Pally is the schoolmarm who wanted to do away with drinking on the trains.  

Slippery Rail Season = Lead Paint from China Used on Thomas Trains

Both lead paint and oily residue left on Metro North tracks force trains out of commission and leave their users gravely agitated.  

Finally, where, you ask, does our humble narrator, Thomas himself, fit into the equation? Thomas is described as a “cheeky, fussy little engine. He often gets into scrapes…but clouds never last long in Thomas’ world and he’s soon bustling about again.” 

Yes, that’d be you and me—the working stiffs shrugging off the floods and snowstorms and rude riders to turn up at our jobs in Sodor…er, Manhattan…each day.

MTA board guy Mitchell Pally, the Long Islander who railed against drinking on the train, only to find none of his fellow board members felt the same way, was at it again in yesterday’s Times. In an Op-Ed called “Dry Run,” Pally rails against the “terrible practice” of the MTA selling alcohol on train platforms and the occasional bar car. “This willingness to encourage drinking on trains is tantamount to giving people alcohol while they are driving.”

Pally then makes the issue one of public policy. In short, he says, those drinking on trains make for a miserable ride for everyone else. “One would not drink in someone else’s house without being invited to do so and without taking into account the wishes of everyone else,” he says. (Uh, didn’t Pally go to, like, college?)

“We similarly should take into account the wishes of others who are on the train,” he continues. “After all, if passengers wanted to be around drinkers, they would go to a bar.”

And if they wanted to be around book-readers, they’d go to Barnes & Noble. And if they wanted to be around a Muslim guy saying his prayers, they’d go to a darn mosque.

As Trainjotting readers know, I’ve got a pretty fair nose for bad train behavior. And as I enter my eighth month of daily riding, I can honestly say that of all the bad behavior I’ve witnessed, I don’t know that any of it has been related to people drinking.

People can engage in bad behavior without the booze, thank you very much.