We here at Trainjotting have been harping on this for years: the railroad’s “on-time performance” is a very misleading figure.

Metro-North touts an “on-time” percentage in its monthly Mileposts mouthpiece that’s about as high as the temps this past weekend–the Harlem line is “on-time” 98.7% of the time so far this year, and the Hudson is 98.3%.

Of course, “on-time” means any train arriving within six minutes of when it’s supposed to.

The New York Times pushed the MTA to release its full on-time records, and found the trains were much later than the railroads reported in 2009. Rush-hour trains may be late as much as 25% of the time.

The good news is, and you probably already know this, Metro-North is best of the local bunch. New Jersey Transit is the worst, and the LIRR is somewhere in the middle.

At the peak of the rush, from 8:30 to 9:30 a.m., about 25 percent of New Jersey Transit trains entering Manhattan arrived late; about 2 in 5 of the late trains were tardy by at least 15 minutes.

Things are better for Metro-North riders–at least those who don’t live along the Sound shore.

Metro-North’s lines to Connecticut and Westchester, which have the best performance in the region, benefit from having spacious Grand Central Terminal to themselves. Still, trains on the New Haven line perform worse than the others, primarily because the cars are holdovers from the 1970s and some of the track uses overhead electrical wires that are nearly a century old and prone to damage.

The various railroads’ on-time percentages look sweet because the non-rush hour trains are mostly on time, boosting the overall percentages. The rush-hour trains–the ones that affect most of us–are a much different story, as crowded tracks, tunnels and platforms make for significant delays.

Give it up for the Times, they did their homework on this one.

These are among the findings of an examination by The New York Times of the more than 685,000 trips in 2009 involving the region’s three major commuter railroads, using records requested by The Times that had not previously been made available to the public.

The review found that the official figures for on-time performance, often used as a promotional tool, contrasted sharply with the experience of tens of thousands of passengers who regularly ride the trains at peak hours. In fact, the most important trips for daily commuters, those that can make or break breakfast with a client or dinner with a spouse, experience far more delays than the statistics may let on.

Trips to and from Penn Station during rush hours, for instance, were two and a half times as likely to be late as trips taken at any other time. The disappointment among riders can be further appreciated by considering the record of specific commuter lines. For example, morning commuters on New Jersey Transit who passed through the Summit station were late on 1 of every 6 trips, nearly a third by more than 20 minutes. And Long Island Rail Road commuters who traveled from Huntington to Manhattan at rush hour arrived late on 1 of every 10 trips, twice the average for the railroad.

The guilty guy’s feet appear at the top of the frame

I witnessed my second major iced-coffee spill of the past week on the 8:16 this morning. Earlier in the week, it was the train home, and the spiller gamely mopped up as best he could with free New York tabloids, though they don’t offer the best absorbency.

This morning, the guy–60, bald, blue golf shirt and tan khakis–dumped about 16 ounces of a 20 oz. drink. He pulled a tiny packed of Kleenex out of his bag and set to it, sort of like trying to fell a grizzly bear with a wiffle bat. He placed the soaked Kleenex and spilled ice cubes back in the cup.

The spill took the form of three streams, and merged into two to enter the adjacent car. As it breached the levee and made it into the next car–that car’s riders scrambling to get their bags and feet away from the Starmucks–the man let out a frustrated sigh.

Ninety seconds later, the fool was back to his NY Times, folded into quarters, reading about Obama and Medvedev enjoying burgers in Virginia. But he was off his game, looking nervous and assessing the damage he’d wrought every minute or so.

No one really knows what to do when they spill large amounts of beverage on the train. They don’t tell you in the Mileposts Courtesy Corner, and they don’t tell you over the PA system. As a result, people react badly and inadequately.

So here’s the guidebook.

* First off, when you spill, make some effort to clean it up. You simply have to. Yes, you’re ill-equipped for the job. You don’t have quicker-picker-upper towels, and you certainly don’t have the hardware required for either a top kill or a junk shot. But you have some sort of paper products on you, and there’s always a bathroom nearby. Clean some of the crap up.

* Next, apologize to everyone within 10 feet of you. If your spill creeps into another car and people look up to see its source, raise your hand. Unlike the BP chief, Tony Hayward, own the damn thing.

* Offer a minimum of three disgusted shakes of your head throughout the duration of the trip, showing everyone around just how disappointed you are in your actions.

* If and when the conductor comes by, acknowledge what you did. It’s his or her house, after all.

* This is optional, but maybe lighten the mood with a joke. Everyone’s annoyed by what you did, but anyone with a heart feels a tiny bit bad for you. Get them on your side with a quip, such as “I’m probably better off without the extra caffeine,” or some such.

Above all else, just hold onto your damn coffee. Is it really that difficult?

I was chatting with Saugatucker about the merits of biking to the train recently. Sure, it’s a few minutes of misery on those 20 degree mornings. But we agreed there’s something about driving to the train that just feels like the ultimate suburban cliche…wait, the image of the angry commuter chipping ice off his windshield before driving to the train would be the ultimate suburban cliche.

Saugatucker carves almost three miles through the Westport terrain each morning on his bike, a much lengthier jaunt than mine. We mentioned the quiet delight we experience when seeing neighbors climb into their cars around the same time we set out on our bikes, both looking to make the same train, but only one of us having to navigate the labyrinthian misery of the commuter parking lot.

Of course, on those bleak wintry-mix mornings when I set out on foot, I’m all too happy to have those neighbors give my sorry ass a ride to the station.

So I was torn between walking to the train and riding the trusty steed this morning, with all the precipitation nonsense that fell yesterday. I was fearful of the dreaded black ice this morning, but also tired of all the walking to the station I’ve done of late due to all the snow. So I decided to set out a few minutes early and bike cautiously.

At the end of my driveway, I saw a neighbor climbing into the passenger seat of her car, with her husband at the wheel. Their kid was in tow too–heading to the city with mom due to winter break from school.

The roads were fine and I resumed my normal speed after descending Heartbreak Hill to Memorial Drive. I pulled into the station parking lot just as the stone-faced D was dropping off T and Little V–chalk another one up for the bike guys.

My morning momentum was short-lived, however, as the 8:16 was late. At 8:22, the loudspeaker crackled to life.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the 8:16 is running 10 to 15 minutes late,” it said.

Us platform pigeons performed a collective exhale to show Metro-North our displeasure, and sought refuge from the morning chill in the plexiglass shelter.

At 8:29, the 8:16 rolled in. No explanation for the delay was forthcoming, and the 8:16 pulled into Grand Central at 9:13, a full nine minutes late. That’s even late by Metro-North’s generous 5:59 rule, which says trains arriving up to six minutes late are, in fact, on time by the railroad’s standards. In fact, the latest issue of MNR mouthpiece Mileposts said the Harlem Line was “on time” 98.6% of the time in 2009–meaning us poor suckers on the so called “8:16″ this morning were privy to something that only happens 1.4% of the time.

How special! Perhaps I was better off riding the bike to the city.  

Halloween.

The season of ghosts, goblins, children dressed as CC Sabathia, and other scary things.

It’s also the season of the dreaded slippery rail–the oily leaf residue that sticks on train tracks in the northeast and causes all sorts of havoc on trains.

I first encountered its tyranny shortly after moving to the burbs exactly three months ago. Eight car lines were reduced to 6…5…4!! as cars skidded through the oil, flattened their wheels and were taken out of service.

It was awful.

Last year, Metro-North finally got the upper hand, as an initiative dubbed “Water world” sprayed water and sand onto the tracks just before the wheels rolled over them. It was actually a very successful program, and commuters barely even noticed it was fall last year.

Well, Wednesday’s mad winds brought down lots of leaves prematurely, just as another gossamer object floated from the sky–the new issue of Mileposts.

“We’ve reprogrammed the software of our M7 fleet to allow the braking sytem to adjust to slip-slide conditions. And we have instructed our engineers to report slippery conditions immediately to our Operations Control Center. We have also trained them how to operate through these “slippery” areas.”

The railroad is also reducing trains’ speed as they go through the extremely leafy areas, to minimize skid. We seemed to be doing this yesterday morning, just about crawling through the ‘dales, Eastchester and the North Bronx.

“We can reduce the incidents of slippery rail, but we cannot eliminate them,” said Mileposts, while urging patience.

Speaking of patience, those poor fools on the New Haven Line were rewarded for theirs by finishing second (as in, not last) in the August On-Time Performance race, its 97.5% total nearly a point ahead of the Hudson’s 96.7%.

This is like Teddy Roosevelt winning the foam mascot race at Washington Nationals games. Or, for that matter, the Nationals winning at Nationals games.

[image: letteddywin.com]

First it was the mating turtles causing delays at JFK, and now it’s those pesky shelled reptiles clogging up the Metro-North train tracks.

Yes, the new Mileposts, your source of monthly breaking Metro-North news, reports that a large number of wood turtles have been expiring on the tracks on the Upper Harlem Line.

A group called FROGS (Friends of the Great Swamp…no, we’re not joking) was conducting research on these turtles in the Pawling-Patterson area when it pointed out to the railroad that the turtles were unable to climb over the rails after having climbed between them. They tend to nest in sandy soils, similar to the faux ecosystems found at track embankments.

Here’s the saddest sentence you’ve read all morning.

“The turtles were able to get between the tracks to begin their nesting habits, but could not get back out, so they wound up trapped, becoming exhausted and overheated, and eventually dying.”

The crack Track & Structures staff at Metro-North piled up rock ballast across the track bed and tapered it down over the rails to give the turtles a handy little ramp. A half dozen handmade ramps occur every 50 feet near where the tracks hit the Appalachian trail.

Apparently it’s working. Approached for comment, one wood turtle stuck his head in his shell and would not come out until a reporter had vacated the area.

[image: Examiner.com]

I tend to like the “Courtesy Corner” in each monthly edition of Metro-North mouthpiece Mileposts. Courtesy Corner offers suggestions for being a good train rider, as in, keep your cellphone calls quiet and keep your f***ing feet off the seat. Each time, the writer cushions the schoolmarmy lessons with some sort of timely and topical theme, like Christmas or spring or the Fourth of July.

The current edition, available on seats today, says:

During a professional baseball game…the team at bat may use courtesy runners for both the pitcher and/or catcher.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a courtesy commuter–unlike those highly paid athletes, you’ve got to go it alone and are responsible for your behavior.

CC then suggests a handful of tips regarding good train behavior.

That bit about the courtesy runner got me thinking. I know all about pinch runners–if you’re pinch-run for, you’re out of the game. But courtesy runners for pitchers and catchers?

It sounded fishy, so I consulted the Major League Baseball rulebook, which MLB handily offers on its Website.

Alas, it sounds as though the concept of the courtesy runner was done away with like a half-century ago, or just about when Julio Franco was coming up with the Rangers.

According to Rule 3.04 in the “Game Preliminaries” section of the rulebook:

A player whose name is on his team’s batting order may not become a substitute runner for another member of his team. Rule 3.04 Comment: This rule is intended to eliminate the practice of using so-called courtesy runners. No player in the game shall be permitted to act as a courtesy runner for a teammate. No player who has been in the game and has been taken out for a substitute shall return as a courtesy runner. Any player not in the lineup, if used as a runner, shall be considered as a substitute player.

Perhaps Mileposts should’ve consulted the rulebook before working that little metaphor into the Courtesy Corner.

We knew something was up just after we left White Plains at 8:28 this morning, the train positively crawling along as it quixotically (Editor’s Note: First time “quixotically” has ever appeared on Trainjotting) crawled toward the city.

We limped through Hartsdale and made our way toward its posher cousin Scarsdale, going about as fast as a septuagenarian on a bicycle. (Nope, not the first time “septuagenarian” has appeared in Trainjotting.)

At around 8:40, we got the first announcement, which was very faint and difficult to hear. I’m pretty sure the man said:

“Some broken tracks down in the Scarsdale area are causing a bottleneck.”

Things didn’t get much better for several minutes, and a second announcement came on about five minutes later. It featured a woman’s voice and you truly could not make out a word she was saying (yes, I’d taken off my sweet Bose headphones, putting Bob Marley’s “The Great” compilation on ice for the moment).

At 8:46, near the southern tip of Scarsdale and almost 20 minutes after we left White Plains, we finally got cooking, and pulled into Grand Central at 9:13. That’s nine minutes late–which happens just 1.9% of the time in the A.M., according to Metro-North mouthpiece Mileposts.

A special morning indeed.

A paper cup of champagne and hazelnut coffee never tasted so sweet.

Why the early a.m. potable? Trainjotting turns 2 today! Yes, it was exactly 730 days ago that we gingerly stepped into the blogosphere and posted a few thousand words from Engine Bob about why the crawl through Grand Central is so painstakingly slow, and another taking Metro-North to task for its dodgy “5:59 Rule” about what constitutes an “on-time train”–an issue that’s emerged as something of a leitmotif on these cyberpages.

Thanks to our intrepid correspondents over the past two years, including Straphanger Joe, Foot It Tim, Engine Bob, JerseyJim, PeterFromPort, Conductor Bobby, Saugatucker, CT Rider and G. Francis.

Year Three ambitions include a long overdue redesign, a correspondent who’s actually a female, and more rants about slow trains, literary critiques of Mileposts, and lonely dispatches about walking and/or cycling to the station out there in Car Culture.

[image: istockphoto.com]

Admit it. You see Mileposts, the Metro-North news rag you find on your seat each month, and you leaf through it. You check to see how your train line stacked up the previous month against the other two. You pump your fist gently if yours has won, and shake your head at the thought of those poor New Haven Line souls waiting in the freezing cold for a late train yet again.

Exactly who pens those witty little missives from Metro-North headquarters, you wonder. (OK, no one besides me in the 25-year history of Metro-North has ever wondered this.)

We’ll tell you who it is. It’s a man named Joe Antonacci.

We checked in with Joe, and here’s what he had to say.

I am a former reporter/copy writer/flak. Like you, I believe communicating the “picayune details” of commuting—new schedules, station renovations, whatever the heck we are up to at any given moment—doesn’t have to be a joyless undertaking for the writer or the reader. A little humor goes a long way toward getting people to read and remember your message. (And of course, I always work clean. This is a public agency.) 

The August issue of MTA mouthpiece Mileposts is the green issue, with a big recycling logo on the front and a series of articles about the railroad’s efforts to not screw up the environment.

Mileposts has a long explanation of the concept of sustainability, and proudly points out that the MTA “can serve as a national model and regional platform for sustainable growth in the 21st Century.” Nobel prizes, the railroad adds, can be shipped directly to the MTA box at 420 Lex.

Mileposts also points out that Grand Central now features energy-efficient CFC light bulbs, will reuse wash water at its new Car Appearance Facility, and is increasing its reliance on solar power for its switch machines.

Finally, Mileposts says Metro-North collected 642 tons of newspaper in its 90-plus recycling bins last year (note to the Binflint angrily grabbing at the papers people discarded on track 29 this morning–chill out, dude).

This year, Metro-North has collected 329 tons to date–the large majority of it issues of Mileposts that no one but TJ actually reads.