The latest issue of Metro-North mouthpiece Mileposts addresses, in light-hearted language, the matter of people taking their shoes off on the train. Mileposts‘ “Courtesy Corner” always admonishes, in a jokey way, its riders to be more considerate of fellow passengers. The July installment mentions how “foot troubles” did not exist in Biblical times, when people opted to walk around barefoot.

But alas, those days are long gone. “And that means you should keep your shoes on, and keep your feet off the seats when traveling on our trains….It’s the courteous thing to do, freeing up another seat for a fellow commuter and keeping our trains from smelling like a 2,000 year old locker room at the Coliseum.”

In other Mileposts news, the Harlem line continues to hurtle toward world domination, winning the May On-Time race with a 98.6% rate (”On-time” is of course defined as arriving within six minutes of the scheduled time–about as much time as is required to make one quite late.)

Perhaps the bigger story is the race for second. The dreaded New Haven line, home of the hapless catenary wires, pulled ahead of one-time Metro-North darlign Hudson, 98.3% to 97.4%.

Metro-North boss Peter Cannito uses the front page of the June Mileposts, out today, to bid farewell to the railroad. “I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of the work that is done every day to serve you,” says Cannito, who then begins to tell us how proud he is of the work that is done every day to serve us.

“The performance improvements, the ridership growth, the innovations that we have made in technology, and the strategic planning we have undertaken for our needs now, in five years, and in 20 years were all done to make this railroad better for you,” he enthuses.  

What Cannito and the rest of Mileposts does not mention, but the NY Times does, is that Metro-North–and the NYC subway–may raise prices again next year, on the heels of the price hikes it instituted just a few months ago. MTA executive director Elliot Sander sounded a very despondent note when addressing the Authority’s budget woes, due primarily to thinned real estate tax revenue and of course gas prices.

“We’re going over the cliff,” said Sander, fairly ominously, about the MTA’s 2008 finances.

The last time subway fares went up in consecutive years were the dreary days of 1980 and 1981.

Sounds like Cannito is getting out just in time.

[image: blog.bibijon.org]

Longest headline ever, or what?

The new Mileposts is out, which Trainjotting readers know tickles TJ to no end. Among this month’s factoids and findings: The winner in February’s on-time performance race was, for once, not the darling Hudson Line. Indeed, the Harlem Line was best in class, posting a 99.2% on-time* performance (*”on-time” of course means within 6 minutes of being on-time according to the MTA’s stringent standards). That was a tenth better than the Hudson.

New Haven, true to character, pulled up the rear with a 98.1%.

Speaking of the New Haven Line, all its riders are eagerly awaiting the arrival of those flashy new cars (and, more important, the demise of those crappy old cars) in 2009. But lest one think that means you’ll be zipping along to Rye in a hot new M8 within a year, you’re in for a longer wait. Mileposts says all of eight cars will be on the line in the last half of 2009, with 10 more joining the fleet each month until the whole of the New Haven Line has new trains by…get this…mid 2012. So get used to the blue ooze of cleaning fluid and urine spilling out of the bathroom, and all inherent odors.

On the bright side, the M8s will feature higher ceilings, auto-flush toilets, individual headrests and looped armrests that promise not to tear your trousers.

As Trainjotting visitors know, we’re big fans of the monthly Metro-North mouthpiece Mileposts (second best alliteration you’ll see all day). We were a bit surprised to step onto the 8:16 headed for GCT today and see a copy of it, as we’d already seen the March issue, and April wasn’t due for several weeks.

Then I looked closer, and saw that it was actually Outposts–”a publication for MTA Metro-North Reverse-Peak Customers.”

Turns out it’s a quarterly publication that’s been around for like a decade, an MTA spokesperson told me. What was a publication geared towards reverse commuters doing on the Manhattan bound train, one wonders.

What was particularly interesting was that half the issue was en Espanol. To wit:

Los cambios de horario de abril le traen mas servicios expresos cuando usted mas los necesita 9y seguoro que eso es aun mejor que las flores que le traeran las lluvias.

(Sorry, our Spanish is limited to asking for two beers at American-friendly all-inclusive resorts in Mexico and the Dominican Republic.)

I assume the Spanish is for all those investment bankers making the reverse schlep to Stamford.

The new edition of the Metro-North monthly newsletter Mileposts was greeting riders on the seats this morning with news of new timetables April 6 (Hudson gets 41 more trains a week, Harlem gets a 5:55 a.m.’er out of North White and New Haven welcomes the 5:57 out of Waterbury), those sky-high approval rates (93% of riders “satisfied”, 46% “very satisfied”), and a new “handheld electronic ticket machine” for on-board ticket sales that are deployed April 1 (the penatly for buying a ticket on board will remain $512).

In the monthly On-Time Performance race (can’t you just picture the three dots racing through the city on the ballpark Jumbo-Tron?), the perennial laggard New Haven Line actually came in second in January in terms of PM performance, its 98.4% rate besting Harlem’s 98.1%. (Losing to the shitty New Haven Line. Ouch.)

In terms of overall performance for the month, New Haven again took its spot in the cellar with a 98.4%, as Hudson grabbed top honors with a 99.3%.

Mileposts also mentions the Metro-North Railroad Commuter Council meeting 3/26 in the MTA Boardroom on Madison. All are welcome to attend and ask Metro-North president Peter Cannito questions.

Mileposts does not mention that Cannito is stepping down in July

There appears to be an unfortunate mistake in the February issue of Metro-North mouthpiece Mileposts, which landed this week. The Courtesy Corner, which whimsically reminds riders to keep feet off the seat, clean up their shit and use their cellphone sparingly–usually with some seasonal theme–starts out by cooing about “dreaming of Jeanie with the light brown hair, soft as a zephyr on the sweet summer air.”

Mileposts then riffs on more favorable options than “pining for a dirigible-sized mate who can levitate…”

It appears as though Mileposts confused zephyr–or “a gentle breeze”–with zepellin–or “a rigid airship consisting of a cylindrical trussed and covered frame.” Thus, Mileposts‘ reference to ”dirigibles.”

Ouch. While zephyr and zepellin are, in fact, right next to each other in the dictionary, they couldn’t have more different connotations.

[photo: Igougo.com]

Yesterday’s Mileposts sparked some interesting dinner conversation at my house last night.  Who wouldn’t be inspired to discuss iron pectate?  

Anyhow, Metro-North’s reminder of the ‘difficult’ fall season made my wife and I realize that every season is difficult for Metro-North — nowhere more so than on the beleaguered New Haven Line. 

Here’s a breakdown of the seasons, and the serious issues that will most likely affect my commute: 

Fall: Leaves, iron pectate, flat wheels, rail scrubbers, emergency braking.  Sounds like they’ve got their hands full.  

Winter: Snow, ice on the overhead, frozen switches 

Spring: Flooding, Flooding, Flooding…. 

Summer: Heat causing the overhead to sag.  End result?  Pantograph rips down the sagging catenary, disabling multiple tracks with fallen wires. 

Good times, right?

Amidst all the commuter excitement this week (Floods! Boiled asbestos-spewing geysers in midtown!), we almost forgot to give the latest Mileposts a read. Metro-North’s monthly publication has a baseball theme to it, as it “announces” the pending train station at Yankee Stadium (uh, the Times broke that back in May, folks).

“There’s been an exciting development regarding the Yankees,” Mileposts teases, “and it has nothing to do with The Rocket’s return [Editor’s Note: Uninspiring], Giambi’s foot [Editor’s Note: In dire need of HGH] or Damon’s hair [Editor’s Note: Hair the only part of Damon not injured].”

Mileposts later takes a gratuitous dig at the Yankees’ National League, first-place baseball brethren. “You remember the Mets, New York’s ‘other’ baseball team,” jibes Mileposts in a bit about express 7 trains to Shea.

As Long Island’s own Billy Joel once crooned, “The Yankees grab the headlines every time.”

Usually a chirpy little batch of wit, the MTA monthly rag Mileposts greeted riders with its game face this morning. A big-lettered headline in the June issue bellowed “Evacuation Instructions,” followed by a list of things you should do in case of emergency. “You can never review the proper emergency evacuation procedures too many times,” it admonished.

This comes on the heels of the MTA getting blasted for not being up to date on safety guidelines.

And now that Bud tall boys and airplane bottles of Jack Daniel’s are part of the commuting for the forseeable future, Mileposts dedicates lots of real estate to tips related to not dying on or around the train. There are fully seven bullet points spelling out how not to fall in the gap (uh, how about, don’t fall in the gap?), another section on not slipping and falling, and, most chilling, a feature on spotting terrorists. “Take notice of people in bulky or inappropriate clothing,” reads the warning. I suspect baggy pants in the style of what was once worn by MC Hammer would fall into both the “bulky” and “inappropriate” category.

In other MTA news, the Hudson line once again put forth the strongest on-time performance, followed by Harlem, then the hapless New Haven line.

Showing that it’s anything but a stodgy old hedge funder from Greenwich, the new issue of Mileposts pulls off the difficult trick of quoting both Fergie and Justin Timberlake. Yes, the Metro-North’s monthly mouthpiece describes a host of train-accessible destinations, such as Dutchess County Farm Fresh Link and the Bronx Zoo, as “Metro-Licious.” “Like the pop diva Fergie, we are not above adding ‘licious’ to the end of our name if it will get you to notice…” the copy reads.

Later, in the Courtesy Corner, which always does a crafty job of subtly working in suggestions for better commuter behavior, Mileposts asks where readers were when the “great Blackberry Blackout of 2007″ went down. It uses the occasion to remind riders to be considerate while in the midst of those very important Blackberry communications. “Do we set the device’s multiple ring tones,” it reads, “so that everyone in a 10-yard radius knows we prefer getting our emails to the tune of ’Sexy Back’?” 

In other Mileposts news, the Hudson line led the pack in monthly performance, ahead of Harlem and, of course, the woeful New Haven line, which would come in third in a race with a pregnant lady.