How did I forget to mention this?

I was schlepping to JFK Airport last Friday, crawling in traffic on the Grand Central Parkway. I wanted to chastise my cabbie for not taking Woodhaven Boulevard, but he reminded me of Marlo Stanfield, so I stayed quiet.

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We were veering dangerously close to ‘am I going to miss my flight?’ time when a black economy car cut us off. It had the world GLUTEUS detailed across the back, in between the trunk and the bumper.

Gluteus, I thought to myself. Who would get that stenciled on their car? More importantly, what would compel someone to get that stenciled on their car?

We crawled along some more. Growing tired of the Forest Hills scenery (Gatsby’s “ash heaps” kept coming to mind), my eyes returned to old Gluteus.

Then it struck me. The black shitbox in front of me was a Nissan Maxima. Below “Gluteus” it said “Maxima.” Gluteus Maxima.

It’s why the phrase “idiot savant” was invented.