Speaking of Derailed, Conductor Bobby suggests a word of the week after he and some other rail men were inspired by riders hitting New York for a certain parade over the weekend.

Spandex Violation: n:  When an overweight woman wears clothes three sizes two small. 

I’m a little late stumbling on this, but Derailed has a very funny bit (and photo) of a man on the New Haven Line who brings his own folding chair on the train these days. Seems Metro-North ridership is up at least 5% as gas prices climb, so this guy is assured of always having a seat.

He told me that toting this chair through the city is a drag, but it’s better than standing up or squishing between two smelly commuters. When his ride is over, he simply folds the chair back up and slides it back into the canvas bag. He throws the bag over his shoulder and away he goes.

All he needs is a hibachi and the Foam Dome hat that shoots beer into his mouth.

[images Derailed blog, 1ofakindstuff.com]

C’mon, why do TJ and Conductor Bobby have to come up with all the Words of the Week? Let’s help this guy come up with a word/phrase for when you and another train rider acknowledge that you’re reading the same book.  

Hey TJ,

You’ve probably already covered this somewhere along the track, but I’m wondering if you have a word-of-the-week for the odd/awkward salute, or literary “high-five” that one should utilize, when on the train, you find yourself reading the same book as someone else on the train, or observe two commuters reading the same eco-thriller or political blunder-fest?

Do they acknowledge said coincidence, or just move on, and race to finish, to avoid finding out who-dunnit, etc…?  I admit that I’m always curious to see what other folks are reading, to distract them from their daily portage.

I’m guessing “dopple-reader” or something that actually makes sense, but you’re the wordsmith, so I pass the baton your way…

Happy Blogging,
Jimbo

There’s a funny bit on Derailed about Conductor Bobby’s interaction with a photo-shy VIP rider en route to Fairfield. Bobby, who possesses a Gump-ian knack for bumping into famous people, took the ticket belonging to Justin Long, who’s best known either as the cool Mac hipster in the Mac/PC commercials, or as Drew Barrymore’s boyfriend.

Long was on the New Haven Line for a visit to his folks’ place.

The next time I passed by him, I stopped and explained that I write a blog called “Derailed” and it contains a lot of stories about my celebrity encounters. I then began to reach for my cell phone and asked if he’d be willing to take a picture with me for one of my posts…

I was tempted to thumb through the “pix” section of my phone and show him my photos with Gwen Stefani and “Mikey” from the Life Cereal commercials.

“What,” I’d ask, “You think you’re too big for my little blog? You think you’re a bigger star than Gwen or Mikey? Huh punk?”

I lost my nerve, and in the end I thanked him for his time and wished him luck.

[image: adweek.blogs.com]

Here’s a hysterical YouTube video where 207 people simply freeze in place in the middle of Grand Central for several minutes. One guy is in the process of tying his shoe, another is drinking a bottle of water, another is scooping up some papers he’s dropped, when all of them simply stop moving, much to the curiosity/delight of the others in Grand Central. (The freezers are obviously trained in this stuff.)

The best part is the mustachioed garbage cart driver who’s unamused as he’s stuck behind a frozen body or two. “I can’t move my cahwt,” he tells the walkie talkie in the finest Queens English spoken since Joey Ramone passed.

Thanks to Derailed for digging it up.

NY Times reporter Billie Cohen, who’s commuting from a different corner of the New York metropolitan area every day this month, tipped a few with the regulars on the New Haven Line bar car.

“There was beer everywhere, a crowd at the bar, a bunch of people playing poker and a din of friendly talk and loud laughter. What was this place? It was definitely not the normal commute home,” she writes about Wednesday’s 5:23 to Bridgeport. “It had the feel of, well, a party.”

Cohen mentions people falling in love in the bar car, and some of the regulars assigning Cheers characters to each other. (I’m Norm. No, I’m Norm!)

She also rightfully points out the New Haven Line’s mechanical shortcomings. “The equipment on this line is the oldest in the Metro-North fleet,” she says, “and is subject to many hiccups.

But Cohen saves the best part for last–a little perspective from a seasoned conductor who’s none other than Bobby McDonough, author of the esteemed Derailed blog and the subject of our seminal Q&A on rude riders and transvestites.

“I’m not really a fan of the bar car,” said McDonough. “Everyone thinks they’re funny when they’ve had two drinks in them. They’re not.”

As a reader of this blog likely knows, we’re suckers for a good transvestite on the train story. Toward that end, our conductor friend at Derailed has a rippin’ good yarn.  

According to our records, on January 13 last year, Trainjotting smashed into commuters’ collective consciousness like a Harlem Line express train hurtling toward White Plains. Over the course of a year, we’ve documented and detailed all sorts of Metro-North minutia as we slowly, painstakingly shifted from commuting newbie to a hard-bitten veteran of the Grand Central trenches.

We’ve had some help along the way, from the likes of Straphanger Joe and Engine Bob (what happened to that guy), CTRider, Connectic Energy, G. Francis, Bobby the Conductor, PeterFromPort and a cast of other commute-chronicling characters.

We’ll be celebrating in style, or at least in our version of style (parachute pants and a Members Only jacket, perhaps?), with some sort of first annual Trainjotting turns one celebration, which we’re tentatively titling the First Annual Trainjotting Turns One Celebration.

We’ll pick a place, and we’ll attempt to wrangle some sort of drinks special (maybe pints marked all the way down to $6.75 at Annie Moore’s?), and we’ll invite any and all readers to come out and hoist a few with us.

Details to follow. Maybe we’ll even get the New Haven Line transvestite to, for lack of a better term, come out.

Whether it’s TJ or CTRider or Straphanger Joe, we hear plenty from riders of New York’s rails. But what about the other half of the commuter equation, the workers? Toward that end, Trainjotting sat with veteran Metro-North conductor Bobby McDonough, author of the blog Derailed, to check out the commuting game from his perspective.

1.    What’s the craziest thing you ever saw after 21 years on the job?

I once caught two couples having a mini-orgy on one of the late night trains. Passengers having sex on the train is more common than you might think, but this is the only time I caught two couples in action (I was more embarrassed than they were). 

The craziest rider award goes to “Rocky,” a 6′4″ cross dresser who regularly rides our rails (all three lines).  He usually boards the train as a man, but like a sexually ambiguous Superman, he’ll run into a nearby train lavatory and come out dressed in pink hot pants (with the words “BOY TOY” emblazoned on the back), a halter-top, a feather boa, black platform leather boots and a Tina Turner wig.  You should see the look on the other passengers’ faces. It’s priceless.   

On a more serious note, the days following 9/11 were definitely the strangest.  Read my post about it here:

2.    Riders give Metro-North conductors high approval ratings. What grade do you give riders? 

My knee-jerk reaction was to give riders poor grades, but that’s because I usually work late night trains when everybody’s drunk and obnoxious. Outside of this demographic, I’d give our passengers a “B.” Most people merely ask us to get them from Point A, to Point B, in a safe, considerate and timely manner. When we don’t meet these expectations, they get a little upset …I can’t fault them for that.  

If they’d only clean up after themselves, they’d get a B+.  

3.    Does the MTA know about your conductor blog? Do they care? 

“Derailed” was mentioned in the “Commuters Journal” section of the New York Times last year, and The New Haven Register recently did an article on me.

Both of these articles are posted on the MTA ’s company website, so I guess they’re vaguely aware of me and my blog.  I try to be careful and not write anything that would embarrass, or in any way damage the company. 

4.    If I could implement one rule for Metro-North, it would be…

Communicate…communicate…communicate. I have seen some progress in this area over the past few years, but when the #@%* hits the fan, communication between company and passengers breaks down. I agree that conductors could do a better job communicating as well, but we’re usually left as clueless as the passengers.  

5.    Which stop has the best riders? The worst?

When my wife was a child, she’d ask her mother, “Which one of us kids do you like best?” Her mother would answer… “I dislike you all equally.”  

That’s kind of the way I feel about our stations. Each one has its own unique personality, some good qualities, some not so good.  For example, riders from wealthy towns are usually bright and interesting people, but they also tend to be demanding…Some are downright arrogant, (the phrases “I’ll have your job” and “You work for me” come to mind.)

Stations in urban areas are full of hard-working, “salt of the earth” type of people, but it’s here that we find most of our fare evasion problems.  

Conductors say that Harlem Line passengers are by far the nicest, most polite people on Metro-North territory.  Hudson Line passengers, they say, are a close second. Rumor has it that they say “please” and “thank you” over there.  When we New Haven Line conductors hear these stories, we stand with mouths agape in disbelief.