Brother, were we humming. The 8:17 pulled in at 8:16 and change, we hardly suffered from the usual crawl through the Grand Central underbelly, and we were stepping off the train fully three minutes early.

Now that’s a way to start a work week.

Ah, but what troubles awaited at the 6 train. If I wait five minutes for the 6 in the morning, it’s surprising. So I was extra surprised when 10 minutes passed; after all, that’s nearly 31 1/2 half minutes in commuter time (duh, multiply by Pi).

As the bodies amassed on the 42nd Street platform, agita growing with each passing minute (and each passing express train across the platform), I saw another first: a man (large, well-dressed, black) chastise another man (greasy, bespectacled, resembling an unemployed I.T. worker) for standing in the “Trains Stop Here” box in the platform (the “crease”, in hockey terms).

Eventually, the 6 shuffled in and as many of us poured in as we could (as the reunited Police once sang, packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes). But hopes of a record commute–and a truly excellent week!–had already been dashed.

The February edition of Metro North’s Mileposts is out. If you haven’t seen the publication—and I’m fairly sure I’m the only one who reads it—it’s a surprisingly well-produced little rag with a sly wit.  

The lead story in the Valentine’s Day-themed issue, titled “We’re Very Punctual (Unlike Your Last Date)…”–see, I told you it was funny—touts the railroad’s performance scores. Metro North scored a 97.8 on-time percentage for 2006. As I’ve groused about before, Metro North gives itself a six minute leeway; if a train that’s due in at 8 gets in at 8:05:59, it’s “on time.” (Wish you could’ve had that clause with your curfew growing up, huh?)  

Yet nowhere in the issue is this caveat revealed.  

Also of note: ridership east of the Hudson was 75 million last year, a record and a 3.1% increase over 2005.  

And while listing capital improvements, I learned that “The second phase of the Upper Harlem Station Rehabilitation (White Plains through Southeast) was also completed.” So for crummy old Hawthorne, done up in dingy pool-cover-blue, its old station house a repository for someone’s junk, that’s as good as it gets for the foreseeable future.  

Lastly, Mileposts sneakily encourages good behavior on trains by dressing it up as relationship advice: “As Valentine’s Day approaches, you don’t need to waste money on expensive dating services to find the ideal ‘soul mate.’ Just look at his or her behavior when they are commuting on the train. Do they:” 

The article then mentions some things to look for, such as keeping one’s feet off the seats and using the cell phone responsibly.  

It being a frigid-ass Monday and all (20 in the ‘burbs), I took the later train. The 8:43 was nearly empty. By
White Plains, it was only half full. I had my own two-seater, and no one in the two-er next to me. Nary a cell phone gabber. No train BFFs yapping about the weekend.

On the tail end of rush hour, we pretty much cruised through the usual train gridlock in the tunnel approaching Grand Central.  

We got in in 42 minutes instead of 48. I wanted to hug everyone in my car. All nine of them.  

According to the latest edition of the Metro-North’s monthly publication Mileposts, the Harlem line was on time a most-impressive 96.3% of the time. But if you read the fine print, the MTA gives itself six minutes of leeway. So if a train scheduled to arrive at, say, 9 a.m., pulls in at 9:05:59, it’s technically on time.

Which got me thinking. Should that train arrive at 9:05:59, making me exactly 5 minutes and 59 seconds late for an important meeting (OK, I’d probably take the earlier train if I were to ever have an “important meeting”), couldn’t I tell my meeting partners that I was, according to MTA rules, on time?

The 5:59 rule, in fact, could change history. I could’ve showed up 5:59 minutes late for Mrs. Khatir’s 11th grade French class back at Harborfields, and instead of being barred at the door, I’d be on time (ponctuel, en francais). I’d end up with a higher grade point average, go to a better college, and perhaps get a better job. C’est bon!

Let’s now turn to the most recent New York Marathon. Marilson Gomes dos Santos of Brazil was considered the winner at 2:09:58. But with the MTA’s 5:59 rule enacted, it turns into a tie between dos Santos, Thomas Nyariki of Kenya (2:14:59,), and 11 other runners that finished in between them. Congrats, guys!

Perhaps the MTA could hold itself to the same standards that the rest of us do.