JerseyJim Has Been Smoking Something

Waiting for the train this morning in the brisk air, I was again impressed by the smoking guy that stands about 30 feet from the tracks, and smokes his last cigarette before boarding the NY bound train.

It must be hard for a smoker these days, in the bitter thin air of winter. And with so many train delays, who knows when your next nicotine fix will come your way? This is why people drive cars.

It must be rotten being couped-up in a train for 55 minutes, then fighting the crowd in Penn Station with an unlit Marlboro clenched in your teeth. Climbing slowly from the tracks to the street level, finally free to light up, and become the city-walking-smoking guy.
 
From my recent observations, it stands to reason that cigarettes actually keep you warmer. So many folks outside without a coat, hat or gloves, and a burning ember in their lips, these portable Lung-Johns are ideal for people on the move. We must find a way to return to the Mad Men days of Don Draper, where smoking on trains, and everywhere, was part of life.

Don Draper has got me thinking. Our solution is right here in our hands, and that would be a cigarette made of coffee. Bear with me, but how different can nicotine and caffeine really be? I’m no chemistry wiz, so I’ll leave the details up to the experts. I think we need to put Starbucks on the case, with some small funding by Altria (Philip Morris’s new identity- the slick name that says “I’ll try ya!”).

Coffee beans are already exotic, and I don’t think anyone on the train, in a movie theatre, in the office, would be opposed to the idea of coffee that never gets cold, because it’s actually on fire. These beansmokes could be as harmless as a cup of Joe, and they’ll taste like French Roast!
 
Our trains would be safer and kinder. No spilled coffee. No disgruntled passengers waiting to light-up. And just imagine the new tax revenue! 

– jersey jim