The Baby Who Snubbed Me on the Track 38 Ramp This Morning.
I was climbing the ramp to the Grand Central Concourse after exiting the 8:43 out of Hawthorne on Track 38.
You were clinging tightly to your mother, as babies of about 15 months are wont to do.
You were a cute Hispanic girl in a blue dress and matching hair clip, dark eyes and an immuteable expression.
We were slogging up the ramp, which moved at its usual snail’s pace. I’d tried to pass you and your mother on the platform, but your mother failed to move right and allow me a berth. So you were directly in front of me on the ramp, staring over your mother’s shoulder like an animal peering over a foxhole.
Since we had a few minutes of ramp ascension in front of us, and because I like babies (especially when they’re not screaming screeching at 3:30 a.m., Little Miss C), I offered a goofy smile.
Still, you stared, expressionless.
I tried another goofy smile, and another. Failing to elicit anything but the frozen mask from you, Baby, I shook up my act–swinging my head back and forth, opening my eyes and mouth wide. Perhaps there were even wildly gesticulating hands involved.
Nothing.
Which is weird, because my act usually–make that always–plays well with babies. Strange babies love me, and never fail to laugh when I suggest they do so through painstakingly executive humor-inducing machinations. If the mothers don’t offer up a “Wow, you sure are good with babies,” at least they’re thinking it.
By this time, several other commuters were aware of my efforts, increasing the pressure on me to get a smile and save face. I tried a few more desperate gags from my bag of tricks, but alas, could not garner so much as a hint of a smile.
We finally got to the top of the ramp and the expanse of the concourse. I shook my head to express my disappointment in you, Baby, and bolted for the subway.
What’s so darn pressing on the agenda today? Eat, poop, cry, sleep. Repeat.
Don’t be such a baby.
Frustrated,
Trainjotting
PS: Can you please tell your mother to speed up, or at least move to the right a bit so faster walkers can pass?