Straphanger Joe Has a Snicker, Part I

Half…

By Straphanger Joe

 

There’s no mention of the product name but the lettering and color is unmistakable.

 

I’m standing in a crowded F train on my way in to 23rd Street and work. I can’t help but read the poster above me. Half of the car is filled with them – brown background white banner with red trim surrounding blue letters.

 

Learn to speak Snacklish.

 

Take a dip in the Chocolantic Ocean.

 

Transfer to the Ate Train.

 

Enroll at Cty Chocollege.

 

File for Workman’s Chompensation.

 

Schedule a consultation with Doctor Feedzmore.

 

I walk the whole length of the car to write them all down, collecting stares as I go. A woman looks up at me while I hover over her, spelling out Chocollege in orange ink in my small notebook. She wrinkles her nose and half closes her eyes in irritation. Then I back away and smile at her. She looks away.

 

Another woman next to her gives me a blank stare once-over, then goes back to her book. It’s a big novel, trade paperback. I can’t see the title and I can’t look any longer or she’ll notice me staring and get uncomfortable.

 

My stomach rumbles. It’s morning and I ate breakfast earlier but I’m feeling hungry – for something. Something. Something from the Chocolantic Ocean.

 

I turn around to check out the other half of the car. That’s when I see the ads for the Kindle.

 

Stay tuned for Part II…

–Joe Lunievicz

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