Masking

I’ve been studying my body language, Allan and Babs Pease style. Their book, The Definitive Book of Body Language, is fascinating. I’ve been applying their guide to my subway Tao.

They state that there are unwritten rules that most cultures follow rigidly when faced with a crowded situation–one in which your personal “intimate zone” is invaded by other people–such as a packed subway car. They are:

This one works for strangers but I find people on the subway will talk to each other if they know each other–unless they don’t want to. I know I would rather read so don’t stand next to me and expect conversation, unless you’re Karen, my wife. In which case we’re talking. Unless she’s also brought her paper. In which case we’re reading–both of us.

Now if it’s crowded and you’re six inches from someone or pressed up against their shoulder, hip, butt, or bag–even if they’re your intimate partner, the odds are you won’t talk. I think the Peases are right. Once you get within that 6-inch intimate zone it’s just not happening in public.

Avoid eye contact with others at all times.

That’s a go. My own study of eye contact on the F train over a year ago showed how uncomfortable this can be for all parties. You gotta be crazy, or a researcher for Trainjotting to do this on any kind of regular basis.

Maintain a “poker face” – no emotion is permitted to be shown.Again, true. But if you smile at someone, New Yorkers will smile back…right before they turn away from you. The smile response is a habit that the Peases talk about. We are hard-wired to return them. The unconscious mind exerts direct control over your facial muscles and you can try not to smile but most times the mirroring reaction wins out. So if you want to test this out try smiling at anyone you make eye contact with on your next subway ride. Only problem is you have to make eye contact first, which as we’ve seen is not easy to do.

If you have a book or newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it.

People on the subway are experts at this. Check out next time someone is reading a paper or book near you. Wait for them to turn the page. If the page isn’t being flipped after a reasonable amount of time they’re faking it. The subway is my opportunity to read so I don’t fake it. I wonder if women are more likely to fake it than men? The Peases don’t have an answer for that one.

In bigger crowds, no body movement is allowed.

I think this is true. I was on the F this morning, pressed up against four other people. I had to shift every few minutes, changing hands that gripped the overhead bar and moving my weight from one foot to the other. Whenever I shifted, people around me looked at me with frowns then went back to reading their books or listening to their i-Pods. “Sorry,” I said quietly, over and over each time, smiling, trying for eye contact.

  You must watch the floor numbers change at all times.

–Joe Lunievicz