I tend to read, or at least skim, the NY Times’ obits because they always seem to find these fascinating people who did fascinating things during their time on earth. Coupled with the fact that I remembered a few Kingston Trio albums in my dad’s old collection (geez, those guys were well-scrubbed!), I decided to peruse the obit for Kingston “harmonizer” Nick Reynolds late last week.

The Times mentioned a “humorous ballad” called “M.T.A.”, so I decided to dig up the lyrics. It’s about a guy who gets stuck in the labyrinthian subway system, but it’s actually about Boston’s subway system–that city to the north where Cheers was set and guys named Sully boozily celebrate the city’s nonstop litany of pro sports titles.

“Charlie” had paid a dime to get to Jamaica Plain, but when he was unable to cough up another nickel, he was doomed to remain underground with the Mole People and LilSubwayCrybaby.

Here are the lyrics.

Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Charley 
on a tragic and fateful day.
He put ten cents in his pocket, kissed his wife and family, 
went to ride on the M.T.A.

Chorus:
     Well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and 
     his fate is still unknown. 
     (What a pity! Poor ole Charlie. Shame and scandal. 
     He may ride forever. Just like Paul Revere.)
     He may ride forever ‘neath the streets of Boston. 
     He’s the man who never returned.

Charlie handed in his dime at the Kendall Square Station 
and he changed for Jamaica Plain.
When he got there the conductor told him, “One more nickel.” 
Charlie couldn’t get off of that train.
     (Chorus)
Now, all night long Charlie rides through the station, 
crying, “What will become of me?!!
How can I afford to see my sister in Chelsea 
or my cousin in Roxbury?”
     (Chorus)
Charlie’s wife goes down to the Sculley Square Station 
every day at quarter past two,
And through the open window she hands Charlie a sandwich 
as the train comes rumblin’ through.
     (Chorus)
Now, you citizens of Boston, don’t you think it’s a scandal 
how the people have to pay and pay?
Fight the fare increase! Vote for George O’Brien! 
Get poor Charlie off the M. T. A.
     (Chorus)
He’s the man who never returned. 
He’s the man who never returned. 
Ain’t you Charlie?