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The cover of today’s AM New York caught my eye as I breezed past the news rack at Hummerville station. “Penn Libation,” it bellowed. “After dark, a party breaks out in the station.”

My first thought was that it was one of those Improv Everywhere stunts that have seen people freeze in place in Grand Central and show up en masse at Best Buy in blue polo shirts and tan khakis, much to the confusion of shoppers.

In fact, it’s a story on the drunks heading home after a night of partying. “It’s beauty coming in and the beast coming home,” eloquently states one engineer about the harsh effects of alcohol on the young female form.

“It is all business during weekdays,” the story teases, “but on the weekends the bridge and tunnel crowd comes dressed to party and leaves partied out.”

Alas, the feature reflects what those in the media called a slow news day–despite the monolithic financial institutions crumbling around us. While reporter Garett Sloane clearly states that the true crazy stuff happens around 2 or 3 a.m. (when the Long Island Railroad turns into the “vomit comet,” according to the same eloquent engineer), it appears the reporter has made like a Mineola 20-something who has to work in the morning, and busted out of Penn Station around 1 a.m.

Too bad, he probably would’ve had some crazy stuff to write about if he’d stuck around.