Well, it appears the iPod is officially dead, eternally stuck on “Shuffle Songs” without actually shuffling songs.

So I dusted off the old–as in very old–cassette Walkman, technically an Aiwa TX516, with “SUPER BASS” for those moments when the bass level that has carefully been determined by the album’s artist, producer, engineer and label exec is deemed to be insufficient by your well-trained aural receptors.

I fetched an old cassette–a Hornby-esque mix tape, no less, from my days of courting The Missus–and noisily slid it in as the 8:16 pulled out of Hummerville. A youth across the aisle, maybe 21, stared at the strange, clunky contraption in my hand, wondering if perhaps it was an 8-track player he’d heard referred to by Fez on That ’70s Show.

I popped my pricey Bose headphones into the Aiwa TX516 and it was the proverbial pearls before swine–a Mercedes hood ornament hastily affixed to a ‘75 Dodge Dart the color of a new penny.

The mix tape started off, fittingly, with “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy),” and we were on our way.

Fearful as I was at the loss of my iPod, I actually had a nice ride in with the Aiwa TX516. You’re much more likely to sit through a borderline song (of course, there are no borderline songs on the mix I made for the Missus) when it requires fast forwarding, as opposed to a simple flick of the finger on the iPod, and the volume level actually is more consistent on the Aiwa, compared to an iPod in Shuffle mode.

And that SUPER BASS, well, let’s just say “White Lines” never sounded so funky.