The Great Train Revelry, Part II: New Haven Line

It’s the second of three installments of “The Great Train Revelry,” the Metro-North pub-crawl feature that appeared in the Journal News mag INTown. Part I focused on the Harlem Line, and Part II on the New Haven Line. Extra added bonus: A drag queen sighting!

The New Haven Line

Unlike on the Harlem and Hudson train lines, the New Haven’s cars are ancient, dark, and more prone to breakdowns. But that’s more than made up for by some of the liveliest downtowns in Westchester, which will serve us well as we endeavor to reach the next four bars. Our spirits are further lifted as, heading out of the city, we’re treated to the spectacle of a full-grown, full-blown transvestite high-stepping into the car somewhere between Harlem and Fordham.

About 6-foot-6, he’s wearing a mesh dress and faux fur coat, a platinum blonde wig topping a massive latte face. The conductor tells us he’s “Paris” when glammed out and “Rocky” while wearing his guy duds—he apparently being a regular rider, too.

The train pulls into Pelham as Paris describes his fearsome footwear to a young female rider. From here, it’s a short walk down Fifth Avenue before the Publick House comes into view. The Publick smells like a bar should—eau de cheeseburgers and beer. There’s all sorts of sports memorabilia on the walls: an ancient pair of boxing gloves, a program from a high school football game back in 1957, the Daily News from when Joe Torre was named Mets manager—yes, he managed the Mets, all the way back in 1977. We order a round of Buds, the drink of choice at the Publick. After a game of pool and a few rounds of Big Buck Hunter, we’re back on Fifth Avenue with a hop to our step. The Stamford local ambles along, and three minutes later we’re in New Rochelle.

A couple of cops man the platform, a reminder of New Rochelle’s urban landscape. As we head up the staircase to Bridge Street, we pass a moving van unloading its wares at a brand new Avalon apartment, a reminder of the city’s growth. We pass Mason’s Pub and Mo’s New York Grill, owned by Yankee legend Mariano Rivera. Every time we visit the city, there’s something new and interesting. Sure enough, like Rivera closing out the opponent in the ninth, Main Street comes through once again. We happen upon a sleek storefront, artfully lit and looking, for all the world, like a tornado lifted it up from Chelsea and dropped it in the middle of New Roc.

How new is Gnarly Vine? So spankin’ that a woman is hanging a cardboard sign, “Gnarly Vine” written in marker, in the window. The menu’s got tapas and small plates, such as a bruschetta with white bean, shrimp, rosemary, and olive oil, plus an endless wine list, ranging from a $7 Bogle on up to a bottle of something called Domaine de la Romanée-Conti, which sells for a cool grand (uh, is that negotiable?).

Cursing my limited budget, I order the Bogle. There’s an open kitchen and an array of loungy couches. The house music plays Coldplay from before they got lame. We chat with Ray Schramm, who says he opened shop with co-owner William Leon just days before. He says he wants Gnarly Vine to grow via word of mouth—work out the kinks and build a local clientele before the press catches wind of it. The dark lighting, soothing tunes, and comfy couches beckon us to order a second Bogle, or even try that Domaine de la Romanée, and hope InTown doesn’t happen to notice the four-.gure tab. But there are bars to see, tipples to topple, and new memories to make—so we wish Schramm luck and hustle back to the station.

The train is late—get used to it, it’s the New Haven Line—which gives us a moment to ponder our mission. We’ve hit six of the 12 bars on our dance card; shouldn’t there be some sort of halftime show? I close my eyes, but no Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction is forthcoming, not even a crummy Aerosmith concert.

When we arrive in Larchmont, Globe Bar & Grill looks enticing, but since we’ve met our quota of upscale joints, we instead opt for the Cellar Bar next door. True to its name, Cellar Bar is a little hole in the ground; manager Gary says it looked old even when it was new. Built in an old warehouse, Cellar’s got a vaguely hip energy—there’s a guy in a vintage Miller High Life hat at the bar, explaining the code of hockey violence to a pal; there’s a giant parrot mural in the men’s room; and Dave Matthews fills the cozy space. We order up a round of Guinness. Matthews rips through a Hendrix-inspired version of “The Star Spangled Banner”; maybe it’s the booze talking, but we get a little choked up. Then we spy the “No Sniveling” sign behind the bar. It’s our cue to move on.

The station is all of about 50 feet from the Cellar; one could very easily take the pub-crawl concept literally, but fortunately we’re not at that stage yet. We make liberal use of the cash machine on the platform and hop on board.

Next stop is Mamaroneck, and we can see the Town House II from the station—bar number eight is within spitting distance! Unfortunately, upon closer inspection, the dusty old joint is about as inviting as last week’s sushi. The evening isn’t too cold, and a walk down Mamaroneck Avenue will surely get the blood pumping, so we venture onward.

Next we stumble across the bar that time forgot—a perfectly preserved German brauhaus, with stained glass in the windows and an ornamental gnome lugging a keg on the door. Unfortunately, it’s locked, and looks as though it’s been that way since Friends ruled Thursday nights. Some locals tell us it’s the Hofbrau, and it’s indeed shuttered. Zum Donnerwetter!

Mamaroneck is making things difficult on our tiring gang, but the notion of doing what no Westchesterite has done propels us forward. We head toward the harbor, past Sal’s Pizza and its new gelato offspring next door, and our perseverance is rewarded as the Duck Inn comes into view. The room is done up in, yup, ducks: hunting decoys, stuffed animals, ceramic ducks, rubber ducks. We order a round of lager, and I endeavor to count the ducks.

It’s a bad idea. First count, I come up with 112. Second count, it’s 131. I ask my friends to give it a try but they know better. I give up and gaze out the window, where the boats sway with the waves. Mercifully, there are no more ducks.

Eight bars down, four to go.

PUBLICK HOUSE Pelham

ORDER A Bud by the bottle—the preferred potable here (139 Fifth Ave.; Pelham).

GNARLY VINE New Rochelle

ORDER A Glass of the Gnarly Head Zin from Sonoma, in keeping with the wine bar’s

gnarly theme.

PUB GRUB Try the gorgonzola, caramelized fig, and balsamic vinegar bruschetta or the shrimp, octopus, and baby clams in Mediterranean vinaigrette (501 Main St.; New Rochelle; 355-2541; thegnarlyvine.com).

CELLAR BAR Larchmont

ORDER A Pint of Guinness. “Freshest Guinness in town,” promises manager Gary.

PUB GRUB No food, but the bartender will order pizza if you ask nicely (8 Railroad Way; Larchmont; 834-8723).

DUCK INN Mamaroneck

ORDER A “Fluffy Duck”—pink grapefruit juice and vodka. (Regulars call it “Duck Juice.”)

PUB GRUB Freebie shepherd’s pie during happy hour (128 W. Boston Post Rd.; Mamaroneck; 835-8791).