Archive for January, 2008
Friday, January 25th, 2008
Beaver, Poontang & Muff: Humanity and Cops Fail PeterFromPort
I enjoy a post-work commutation lubricant as much as the next passenger, but the drinking on the train may be getting out of hand. Last night I was a party to two situations where the police were summoned, all within the space of about 40 minutes.
Granted, the first incident was set on an Amtrak train, […]
3 Comments » - Posted in Amtrak, LIRR, Muff, PeterFromPort by TJ
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
The Ass-Man Driveth
How did I forget to mention this?
I was schlepping to JFK Airport last Friday, crawling in traffic on the Grand Central Parkway. I wanted to chastise my cabbie for not taking Woodhaven Boulevard, but he reminded me of Marlo Stanfield, so I stayed quiet.
We were veering dangerously close to ‘am I going to miss my […]
1 Comment » - Posted in Gluteus by TJ
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Metro-North Announcements As Poetry
I don’t have a doorlight.
Get it yet?
No, Dennis.
Uh, let me try.
Something…uh, that didn’t work.
bzzz….click
Ladies and gentlemen…
We don’t have a doorlight. We’ll get someone to look at it outside.
bzzz…click.
I got a doorlight now.
Hold on!
Just wanna let you know, I got a doorlight now.
I think we’re good now, Kev.
OK, can we go?
Yessir!
1 Comment » - Posted in Metro North by TJ
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
CTRider Gets an Earful…and a Noseful
It only takes a person or two to completely destroy the normally curteous routines of silence and isolation that the everyday commuter cherishes.
The evening was starting out great. I had just wrapped up a productive day in the office, and managed to not only leave in time to catch the 5:01, but was even able […]
1 Comment » - Posted in Bose, CTRider, Raw Sewage by TJ
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Metro Back With More on Heath Ledger
I spoke too soon when I mentioned that the stack of traffic-inducing Metro papers was moved away from the top of the stairs descending to the subways at Grand Central.
Not only were the green Metro papers back today–with another cover story on the untimely passing of Heath Ledger, no less–but its fellow freebie AMNY was there […]
No Comments » - Posted in AMNY by TJ
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
Second Ave. Says MTA Mobile App Lacking
Our subway-obsessed friends at SecondAvenueSagas put the new MTA mobile Website to the test, and find mixed results. The new platform is geared toward giving you train service alerts, departures and maps on your Blackberry, but SecondAve. says an over-reliance on PDFs seriously hampers its functionality.
No Comments » - Posted in MTA by TJ
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
Living Without Your Heath Ledger News
I’m pleased to report that, as of today, someone has moved the big stack of freebie Metro papers from the top of the stairs heading down to the 4-5-6 train in Grand Central. These papers had long been a source of agita–just as a few thousand people are trucking along, making good time on their […]
1 Comment » - Posted in Uncategorized by TJ
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
From One City of Blinding Light to Another
We landed in Newark Airport around 9:45 Sunday night. (Does anyone other than a politician actually call it “Newark Liberty”?) By 10, we were massed around a TV in the airport, watching Lawrence Tynes shank his would-be winning kick. Jersey let out a collective groan.
By 10:05, I was on the shuttle bus for Grand Central, […]
1 Comment » - Posted in Blinding Light, Brett Favre by TJ
Monday, January 21st, 2008
Word of the Week: ROWKILL
ROWKILL /ROH kil/ noun: Train passengers who dawdle in the aisle next to their seat as others attempt to find a seat.
Usage: This fat-ass was blocking the aisle on the 5:46 to Spuyten Duyvil, so I turned him into rowkill.
No Comments » - Posted in Word of the Week by TJ
Friday, January 18th, 2008
Screw That ‘Trainjotting Classic’ Crap, I’ve Got Something Fresh
It was the 6:33 to Southeast last night, a packed train. Somewhere between North White Plains and Valhalla, I was making my way toward the proper door to exit at Hawthorne.
As I entered a new car, I came upon an upset woman, and three or four others around her tried to help. The woman, about 40, sort […]