Those of you who fly for a living–or have ever enjoyed the subtle pleasure of the Metro-North stenchbench–will relate to this disgruntled Continental Airlines passenger who got stuck sitting next to the head.

It was written on a napkin and stashed in the marsupial pouch in front of the passenger’s seat, where it was found by another passenger months later.

“I’m disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in Seat 29E of your aircraft,” it begins. “As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close than I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.”

The passenger goes on to explain precisely how/why he/she dislikes the seat so much, as fellow passengers shove their asses in 29E’s face en route to the bathroom to do their business. “All my senses are being tortured simultaneously,” they write.

29E eventually constructs a “stink shield” by dangling a blanket from the overhead compartment, but the malodorous problems persisted.

“I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the lav. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch…and taste…from my seat.”

Finally, “I feel like I’m bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.”

You can view the PDF here: seat29ecomplaint.pdf